Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
