im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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