I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
