i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
