i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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