How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
