everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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