I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
