youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
