She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
