i just wanna soil my oats bro
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
