he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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