There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
