She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
