Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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