i will never coherently bang her
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
