It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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