Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
