HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
