Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
