I wish i was in the wii world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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