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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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