Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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