you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
