My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
