I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I love you.
Bad choice
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