well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
