he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
