ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
