I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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