I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
