its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
