You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
