So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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