Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
