ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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