Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
