I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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