I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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