You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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