i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
