I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
