Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
