Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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