We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
