I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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