dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
