i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
