wat bout pragnant strippers??
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
