She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
